Rambles.....

I am beyond baffled at how many people make the choice to ignore what is really important to the rest of us. Whether it is someone that you are close to in real life or someone that you are close to on Facebook, if that is even really possible to do on FB!?! People just don't give a shit about anyone but themselves anymore. You post something so ignorant on FB and all these people have something to say about it but you post something that actually matters to you or it's relevant in the world and no one wants to touch it with a 10ft pole! So sad to see how people really are and if "Ugly" is a color, well, their true colors are shinning through.

Growing up my whole life, all I wanted was someone to love me, to pay attention to me and not put me down as I felt that happened to me at home on a daily basis as a child. Then I grew up, and still I sit here waiting for someone to make me a priority in their life. I do believe that me "searching" for this "love" for the first 13 years of my life is what got me into the abusive relationship with the first asshole I was married to in the first place.

Even with all of this, with all of the shit that I have been through in my life and I am thankful for my current husband of 17 years. He does try to put me as a priority most of the time, and no matter what I want or need he does come running with any provisions he has to make me happy. So for that I am truly grateful. What baffles me is that, I have always been there for my family, my siblings, my kids and now even my Grandson.....out of the dozens of hundreds of people I have met all over this country throughout my 35 years on this earth and all I can seem to have care about me is one person. Most people would say, "Well that is all you need is one person!". Yes, for me he is all I need, but I still get so frustrated at how truly screwed up my "family" is. Nothing is perfect but my "family" is really messed up so bad.

When it all boils down to it I guess I am so pissed off because, I am taking this whole "Sin by Silence" domestic abuse cause seriously for the first time in my life. I walked away from the abuse 17 years ago and honestly I don't think that I have really come to terms with the magnitude of what actually took place on a daily basis. I have always put a smile on my face and that in turn, hid my tears and pain. I still have nightmares of being in that relationship quite often. Just trying to come to terms with such a huge and horrible part of my life is hard for me bc I am the one that is supposed to always have it together, I am always to be the "sound mind" in any given situation. I just want for once in my life for something that I am passionate about, to be a passion for someone else that is "close" to me.